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sunshine_173
05 August 2015 @ 08:42 pm
Disclaimer: I don’t mean to come across as dramatic, but this is important to me and it’s the easiest method of getting shit off my chest.

I feel a sense of obligation in writing this, and also a sense of honesty and the need to be open. I know I've never been the most accessible of people in this fandom. I struggle to connect with others. Call it laziness or the simple act of not knowing how – the truth remains that I’ve never been an active member of the Muse community. And this has always sat comfortably with me, because it’s easier. Yet, I still have always felt immensely close to this community and its openness and friendliness, despite the fact I’ve failed to reciprocate. It’s for this reason I’m writing all this. This post has been a long time coming, but it’s necessary for me and my obsession with closure, and frankly it’s more for me than anything. It also concerns my fic Infinity. Hell, I don’t even know if it’s still a topic around here, what with the radio silence surrounding it the last few years.
In every sense of the very clichéd phrase, I’m beginning a new chapter in my life. I have been for some time now, but I’ve come to the stage where I’m ridding myself of the past, things that still cling to me, reminders of my previous selves. Muse was such an influence in my life, and writing fic for them was such an experience. I’ve met so many beautiful people and I learned so much about myself as both a writer and as an individual. I opened a lot of creative doors for myself, and in my overly-ambitious nature, I started a lot of projects that I wasn’t prepared to finish. The person I was when I started these fics is not the person I am today, and I feel it does the stories themselves as well as their readers a disservice if I continue writing them without the emotion and genuineness I once had.
Infinity was always meant to be my magnum opus, the love stories of all love stories I’d ever write. Maybe it was the level at which I held it, but ultimately I overwhelmed and scared myself away. And unfortunately for so long that I lost the connection I once had to it. Maybe at some point I’ll connect with it again, but at the moment I’m struggling to carve time into my life to concentrate on these stories. There is so much happening in my life, both internal and external, that I simply don’t have the energy to return to a mindset I had when I was fifteen and no longer have today.
What I’m getting at is that the temporary hiatus I wordlessly have been on these last few years is now all but permanent. Out of obligation and a need for completion I will approach CC at some point. It’s so close to the end and it deserves to be finished. But with Infinity, and any other project I may have started and don’t remember, I’m letting go. Again, maybe I’ll connect with it again, maybe I’ll approach the storyline at a new angle and with the new voice and style that I’ve now adopted and grown accustomed to writing in.
I am essentially stepping out of the Muse fandom. As I’d mentioned above, I haven’t been an active member in it for so long, and I feel like I might as well take the full step. I will still try to keep this journal as a catalog of all the random shit I think of that isn’t fandom related. I will also try to be more personal, and actually use it as, well, a journal. I still write, randomly and without notice (usually inspired by unexpected shit like alternative r&b and planetary alignment). The fact I’m finally accepting that what I want to write and the styles I’m exploring don’t fit with the way I write fic - at least I haven’t found a way to make them – is so relieving. I didn’t realize how much my connection to this fandom has weighed on my shoulders, but it’s beautiful to feel it lifted. I also realize how much of that is connected to my very real and very annoying guilt complex, and the vicious cycles I can fall into when I think too hard.
For those who are still curious and have wondered, despite the years, what would’ve happened in the Infinity universe, feel free to DM me and I can answer any questions you have about where it was headed. Warning: It’s fucking tragic.
Other than that, it’s been a great adventure, guys. I love all of you, you are all so talented, and I wish I’d taken the time to get to know more of you. I’m gonna go and…poorly attempt figuring out this crazy world and how exactly I can fit into it.

Second Disclaimer: I'm okay. I'm great, actually. I don't want this post to come off as sad, or concerning, or anything negative. Admitting all of this has made me feel pretty damn awesome. If anything, I'm looking at this as a new beginning, and a chance for me to start diving into writing the shit that I will one day (hopefully) publish. Thank you.
 
 
Current Music: Got Nothing - Under the Influence of Giants
 
 
sunshine_173
01 July 2015 @ 09:50 pm
a 500 word (surprise) drabble inspired by last night's alignment of Jupiter and Venus and learning that alternative r&b is the skeleton key to my writer's block, thanks to my sister lalalive23.
Let's go try the stars tonightCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Elijah Blake - Shadows and Diamonds
 
 
sunshine_173
28 September 2014 @ 10:54 am
Long time no see, folks. I don't even remember the last time I was on this site.

I'll jump straight to the point: Despite life having a peculiar way of throwing a variety of citrus fruits at me, I've still kept my babies on my mind. And by babies I mean those fics I've sorely neglected the last few years. I have the last few chapters of CC outlined in detail, and all I need to do is actually write it. But before I can do that, I'm wondering if there is anyone who either speaks Italian or has some idea of how the language works to help me with a few translations, as I learned awhile back that translate.google is really just a terrible idea if one wants accuracy.

At some point in the future I'll get around to a life update, but first I need to force myself into some sort of creative outlet because wow I desperately need one. 
 
 
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Mad Sounds - Arctic Monkeys
 
 
sunshine_173
10 February 2014 @ 01:49 pm
i just really want to sleep and eat burritosCollapse )
 
 
Current Location: not where i want to be
Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Terrorbird - Author & Punisher
 
 
 
sunshine_173
09 February 2014 @ 09:21 pm
Title: Crimson & Clover
Author: sunshine_173
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: When Dominic, a young college student from NYC, visits his sister in a small town in Southern Italy, he comes across Matthew, an Italian born, English raised winemaker and connoisseur. After their brief encounter, Dominic finds himself taken by this enigmatic and seductive man. During the two months of summer, he experiences more than he could've imagined.
Feedback: I appreciates it, my precious.
Disclaimer: Don't own Muse, this never happened, etc.
Warning: language anD SEX
Note: Wooop here it isss. Endless thank you's and also Ben to lalalive23 for being my constant supporter, beta, and overall hardass for telling me to get my shit done. Love and other drugs to gf_futurism, amusedinred, and ashamedbliss for keeping me entertained with their fiery red anger/passion.

The shortest distance between two points in the line from me to youCollapse )

 
 
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Bedroom Acoustics - Muse
 
 
sunshine_173
09 February 2014 @ 09:18 pm
Title: Crimson & Clover
Author: sunshine_173
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: When Dominic, a young college student from NYC, visits his sister in a small town in Southern Italy, he comes across Matthew, an Italian born, English raised winemaker and connoisseur. After their brief encounter, Dominic finds himself taken by this enigmatic and seductive man. During the two months of summer, he experiences more than he could've imagined.
Feedback: I appreciates it, my precious.
Disclaimer: Don't own Muse, this never happened, etc.
Warning: language anD SEX
Note: Wooop here it isss. Endless thank you's and also Ben to lalalive23 for being my constant supporter, beta, and overall hardass for telling me to get my shit done. Love and other drugs to gf_futurism, amusedinred, and ashamedbliss for keeping me entertained with their fiery red anger/passion.

The shortest distance between two points is the line from me to youCollapse )

 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Bedroom Acoustics - Muse
 
 
sunshine_173
09 February 2014 @ 04:58 pm
Read more...Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: giddy
 
 
sunshine_173
04 February 2014 @ 10:16 pm
Title: Crimson & Clover
Author: sunshine_173
Rating: R
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: When Dominic, a young college student from NYC, visits his sister in a small town in Southern Italy, he comes across Matthew, an Italian born, English raised winemaker and connoisseur. After their brief encounter, Dominic finds himself taken by this enigmatic and seductive man. During the two months of summer, he experiences more than he could've imagined.
Feedback: I appreciates it, my precious.
Disclaimer: Don't own Muse, this never happened, etc.
Warning: Liiittle bit of language, sexual situations
Note: I don't even know guys. I don't even know. Cheers to everyone who has stuck around and waited and for not hating me (or at least keeping it quiet). Thanks to lalalive23 for reminding me it's not okay to forget things exist and for being a darling beta. I give wine and chocolate and a few men to ashamedbliss for her gratuitous use of capital letters and swearing, all of which kept me going through this chapter. See you next time, I'm out.

"You better hope He takes you before I do"Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: The Rapture (Fear is a Mind Killa mix) - Puscifer
 
 
sunshine_173
21 August 2013 @ 08:01 pm
Title: The Language of the Devil
Author: sunshine_173
Rating: PG-13 (it has like one negative word)
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: "And to think I used to love you." Matthew sees his relationship with Dominic for what it really is, though he doesn't realize until it's too late how far into Dominic he is.
Feedback: Yes.
Disclaimer:  I think if I owned Muse, you would know about it. They're a bit famous so I doubt it'd be something easily hidden.
Note: That summary is really shit. I don't know how to describe this other than my pent up emotions getting the better of me and pooping out a drabble. So here ya go. (Contrary to the nature of this post, I'm actually in a fantastic mood. This came out of /no where/)

Bad decisions brush on byCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: Telling Ghosts - Puscifer